The Matrix IYKYK

I began molting, under the quivering fall leaves

“It is just a phase”...they frowned with ease.

I squirmed and wailed; my cries unheard,

As their chants echoed, “You loser, you fraud”

 

I ached, trying to strip my worn-out skin

But it was too soon, too deep within.

Beneath my coat, formed bleeding hues,

A red scab, a golden scar, all set to my blues.

 

I paused molting, just to breathe.

The cataract eyes yearned to seethe.

Yet gasps were all that filled the space,

Hardened casing in a frozen, dark phase!

 

In shivering cold, my essence wilted

Half wrapped in condemn, the ice sky silted.

There, in the dead end, I found a glow

Innumerable births later, it is time to show!

 

 

That balmy dawn, pain awoke me fierce!

The cracked casing unveiled what pierced.

Amidst an angry outburst of moldy, smelly exudate,

I birthed cobwebs of shame and guilt on a feminine substrate.

 

 

With achy skin, I soared towards the sun.

The shadows buried digging claws at me, I shun!

Optimistic, finally being the cycle breaker…

Only to be vilified by the mocking deathless social monster.

 

Slithering off the old, I journeyed far and wide

To abysses vast, silhouettes swayed and collided.

Through life’s winding trails, zigzag I forage?

Woke up to the grim reality, the glass chamber is a mirage!!!

 

Old or new, you are devoured by the Matrix.

Play fierce or succumb, it is but your choice!!

Life’s allure, the intricate patterns so hard to conceal,

Shrug off the ego and let your untethered soul prevail!!

The tug of war

I was born with a little bull dog...

Who claimed to be my soul keeper

He kept me safe and predicted things

He constantly mutters prejudices to me.

He loved to hang his head out of my sternum

Coz he wanted to keep himself busy

The little canine started with an itch problem

And started scratching with hind legs..

 

He tore my flesh in the process

But never did I feel the pain. ..

For he was numbing the wound 

With unfathomable licks of self pity!

 

Now the dog had no time left

To go mind the worldly business.

But to sit and guard the wounds

So no one else can take notice.

The bullie looked up at the sky

Hanging in from inside my chest

The dog was like a joey

 but the pouch was my heart sac

He sat there licking the old purulent wounds

And belching over nostalgic memoirs.

The wounds were gradually caving in...

Engulping my shoulders and aiming my head

And the little bull dog hung there drooling

Whining at the wound, the pain and the world

Muttering to my ears that its all my fault

And constantly putting salt on the wound

One fine morning when I took a deep breath

The room flooded with silence

I saw the bull dog sleeping

His head resting on the ribs

I lifted my hand and patted his scabbed head

His weary eyes opened and he was wimpering

I assured him, My sweet little ego, 

Its time to let go!

The Eskimo

    The Eskimo was very scared. The world looked so genuinely distant to him. The snow felt like manna on his tongue. He sat at the corner of the igloo with broken roof and stared at the indigo sky filled with stars and wondered where his real home was. All of a sudden, one of the stars in the galaxy mumbled and then twinkled!  His hazel green eyes reflected the light back. At that very moment the Eskimo knew everything was already in place. He could feel the magnitude of vibrations of his body, mind and soul trying to be in sync with the universe.

Yes! you are allowed to judge me :)

      Just found this piece hidden in my journal. Dedicated to all normal inhabitants of earth. Very incomplete and senseless as usual.

 Climbing down the memory rope, the cobwebs starts to strangle me. The more farther I go, the suffocation and panic gets intense. The web starts to tighten up, weird sticky spider legs crawl on my face, and I feel nauseated in their droppings. Now there is no escape. The reality seems like a speck of fading yellow sun gleam from above. Now I get trapped in this fear... this unknown fear that keeps on gnawing from my insides, tearing apart my flesh and I am afraid it will stick its sharp nails through my skin, so everyone around me will scatter around. Everyone around me... those people who don't recognize me at all, who are now a part of my life, who completes me, who makes my existence meaningful... I am sure to scare them away. They don't understand even a fraction of me.  They all look amused and panicked. Is she loosing it? What is this, some sort of game she plays, so she can hurt us? Why can't she act normal? ?
        "Normal" is just one of the words that I can't comprehend. Of course, there is a shit load of normal people around me with their smile so fake and their minds so crooked, that they strive to be normal, by portraying others as abnormal. . Yes, they do can talk behind my back.. yes it is allowed...freedom of speech. Haven't you heard of the first amendment? They carry their wrinkle free holy book in their left hand but has a long lashing venomous satanic tongue which is like a two sided dagger which can't stop but gossip. They have copulated and multiplied and has taken up the whole of this beautiful earth. They have survived since ages, even before the time of Charles Darwin.
       I am still hanging on that rope, which is weaved with the haunting memories of childhood, when every day I woke up in fear... fear of being portrayed worthless, fear of getting beaten for my lack of smartness.. fear of being ignored because my existence is not very important. I assumed I am the cause of all the frustrations lingering in my house, I am the reason for my unhappy mother and my angry father.. In my teenage days, I realized everyone of the inhabitants is happy in their own little world.. so I created one for my own, a very small space... It was not painted purple with teenage fantasies or infatuations like my friends had. It was neither painted red with all the aspirations for my future and how I am going to become some worthy professional one day. It was but glued with rusty flaky nothingness... It was so grey that it felt like it was a black hole. No one could come into my space, since it lacked doors and the only window is so narrow and flaky that you had to crawl so hard; you might even wound your ego!!!It was not easy for anyone to come to my space 

Sand dunes.

Living in the desert is not fun. You should be prepared for the unexpected.So is living with an emotional being...Iam an ardent admirer of deserts.She cherishes rarity.The desert looks so grey and silent, but it is so dynamic.Its so receptive to changes, that even an invisible breeze can alter her being.

Iam a desert in the hot Pacific
I need not need a name specific
I lay here stretched all the time
Drenched in sweat, sand and slime

I was lonely,sad and stiff
and the world around me so deaf
On a passive day he came
and since then my life isn't the same

So there came this wild breeze carrying fragnances from distant lands and places, who had a lot to share.The breeze was so agile and charming that the desert fell
head over heels in love with him.As moments shed their flaky petals away, the breeze turned into a mighty wind and started blowing the song of love.The desert danced to his tune with cold creeps rising on her body..
He roared over her curves and there arose petit sand dunes.The wind became more fierce and the dunes grew bigger and bigger.The desert was writhing in pain. She was shocked at the reality that the silent breeze has transformed into a monster.she watched helplesslessly over the tornado now creating multitude of whirwinds above the desert bed .And as the warm dust devil became tired ,it grew lighter and started floating away from the desert. The debris he let loose gradually settled down on her breasts.
The desert stay still with a nostalgic air of silence hovering over the dunes.Then a smile of contentment spread over her face as she looked at the magnificient dunes . She closed her eyes cherishing the memoirs and savouring them...

snow in the desert

"I was lost again... wandering aimlessly along the deserted streets of an unknown old town. I was alone, all by myself"...a thud on the window startled me and I woke up from my heavy dream. I lay on the cot staring at the piece of sky peeping in through the window pane. Well, it seemed like a moonlit night,but what is that glittering fluff pouring down?..Is the cloud melting....?I gathered myself ,reached for my -3.0 glasses and looked out of the window. I could not believe my eyes...Good Heavens!!!It is SNOWING...Giant flakes of snow is showering down the heavenly sky. In the light of the street lamp, the whole world out of the window was so splendid, the trees clad in velvetty snow,cars and pavements white with snow.. there was snow and snow everywhere...nature was indeed at its best... sparkling with austerity.i thought about my dream. All my self doubt and insecurities suddenly seemed to wane. Yes, it is the time for a new beginning. It is the 31st december again.I kneeled in front of the lighted candle. The flickering light of the candle seemed to be dancing to my prayers. The dead leaves of 2009 have fallen off and is buried in snow now. The past would never turn its ugly head at me from under the frozen layers...I can feel the warm green sproutings of 2010 struggling to unfold..The thought of those colourful floral buds blossoming in the new year, aroused waves of joy inside me....